After Doctor Laura’s racist tirade a couple of weeks ago, I have noticed a lot of discussion about reclaiming abusive words. I don’t think the use of the n word within parts of the black community is the same as the use of "queer" within the lgbt community, however I do think the two discussions go hand in hand. Both words hold negative connotations for large parts of the community and both words are still used with the intension to hurt. Even my coworkers at Everybodysgood have different views of if and why "queer" is an expectable word to use, and who can use it. Back in the days of Queer Nation the word queer held mostly cathartic power. "We’re here, We’re queer, Get use to it!" It was all about claiming a space in society, demanding acknowledgement, andshedding the pain once inflicted by those five simple letters. For me, the value of a word like queer lies mostly in its ambiguity. The primary meaning of the word queer is unusual or unconventional. I think that’s a pretty fitting word for a community which largely dismisses the constructs of "conventional" society. Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, questioning, ally or LGBTIQA-WXYZ. It’s gay alphabet soup. It’s a mouthful. It’s easier to have a one syllable inclusive term for the whole community --i.e. queer. (Not to mention how much ink will be saved on rally fliers and posters.) From politicians to healthcare providers, I personally believe everyone should use the word queer. Once it becomes adopted by the main stream the word will lose almost all of its abusive power. That being said, I think it is important to recognize that for some people the word queer only envokes memories of homophobia and abuse. For these people the word does not sound inclusive but exclusive.
Where do use stand of the word queer? Tell us your thoughts.
WOW, I have been waiting for this discussion to show up and it finally did. I feel that the controversial aspect of this word, i.e., folks who embrace it and those who loath its use, you will find to be a generational thing. I grew up when this word was THE derogatory term for someone who was gay. The word faggot did not exist, at least when I grew up. I do feel that the term queer and the n word usage do go hand-in-hand. Should we all start using the n word so that as stated like the word queer, it will "lose all of its abusive power". As to the definition being generally unusual of unconventional, That to me is like picking just the words from the definition that are not offensive. This is partly a contemporary definition, but for some of us, we can't seem to get by the traditional definition which follows:
" Since its emergence in the English language in the 16th century (related to the German quer, meaning "across, at right angle, diagonally or transverse"), queer has generally meant "strange," "unusual," or "out of alignment." It might refer to something suspicious or "not quite right," or to a person with mild derangement or who exhibits socially inappropriate behavior. The expression "in Queer Street" was used in the UK as of the 1811 edition of Francis Grose's A Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue for someone in financial trouble.[2]
Maybe I should come in to the 21st century, but it can be a struggle when you find such a term so offensive. Does this mean that 10 years from now we will try and mainstream the word faggot.
Dan O.----thanks for your thoughts and comments. I think you've hit the nail on the head....feelings about the use of the word queer are, indeed, generational. I often tell people I feel like I'm the Queer Eclipse---that I'm on the cusp of the two generations who feel very differently about it. Many people who are older than me are very uncomfortable with it and yet many/most people younger than me feel the opposite. Language is a tricky and sticky...and yet fascinating phenomenon!! Interesting that you should raise the idea of whether 10 years from now people will try to mainstream the word 'faggot'....because actually I think there are those who already HAVE reclaimed and redefined that word and started to mainstream it. I actually have a personal favorite project (it's an online series of documentaries) that is happening right now that is about celebrating effeminacy in gay/bi/queer men...and the project is called 50 Faggots (www.50faggots.com) ....so the mainstreaming of that word may yet be on our horizon!! :)
This is an interesting topic. As a straight gal with a gay friend who really prefers to use the term queer, I find myself having to think about what term to use pretty much every time i use one (how sad is that, that nothing can just be natural and okay for me?). On the one hand, I trust my closest "queer" friend and want to use the term he prefers and I like that the term does encompass so much. On the other hand, I am very aware that many people (and as Don says, many "older" people--which includes my age, I think--are offended by the term and will probably be even more so coming from someone "outside" the community as it were.
I have a sneaking suspicion that my son will someday realize (maybe he already has, or maybe I am totally wrong on this one) that he is queer, or gay or whatever term of your choosing is. I hate that he (or anyone at all) might feel for even a moment that who he is is SO different or wrong that we cannot even agree to a word to call it without offending half of the group. I don't know--that just seems to marginalize people even more. I hope I am wrong about that one. In the meantime I will continue to flounder as to what words to use--though very frequently no description is needed at all: I don't often describe my friends (or any orientation) by their sexuality.
Hadley, thanks for writing. You bring up a TON of interesting points in your comment: the controversy over the term queer within LGBT communities, usage of the term by people who don't identify as part of the community, the fact that 'queer' encompasses so many aspects of identity...
But I want to respond to your statement: "how sad is that, that nothing can just be natural and okay for me..."
I think that right there is why, at the very bottom of the queer controversy, or conversation, however you want to look at it, is the fact that people can and will (and should!) use terms that feel safe, natural, okay, comfortable, and perhaps most importantly, ACCURATE and definitive for THEMSELVES.
I am one of the many people who love the term queer, and feel that it is my word. But I also understand its historical usage and I understand why so many people, at the same time, are extremely uncomfortable with it. That won't change the fact that I will continue to refer to myself as queer openly... and that I encourage the use of the word in a positive light, but I would never use it to refer specifically to someone who DIDN'T identify with it or didn't feel comfortable with it... there's an important distinction there.
What I think is relevant about ANY word that people have "reclaimed" and used in a new, empowering way, is that first of all - words change over time through usage, QUEER being a quintessential example of that. The word that I use and that I mean when I say "queer," is not the same word you will find in the dictionary that defines it as being "odd," "strange," "different," "out of alignment," or any other literal definition you want to look at... although obviously it does hold some of the same connotations, but in their most positive light. We can look up hundreds of words in the dictionary to read off their original meanings and we'll find that they have evolved over time as well. Unfortunately, I don't think the people writing dictionaries are likely to change queer any time soon to reflect its ameliorative use, but who knows.
The last thing I want to say is that while people are definitely much more than our sexualities, and our sexual orientations, for sure... those are defining aspects of our identity that are so often devalued, pathologized, and condemned in a homophobic, transphobic, heterosexist world, that it becomes important, at least speaking for myself, to empower, honor and keep visible those aspects of myself. I identify as queer, it's who I am, and I like for people to describe me as queer as much as possible, because doing so challenges the world around us that wishes to assimilate queer people or pretend that we don't exist.
Allegra--I like what you say, though ti still leaves me with no good way to refer to others when it is occasionally necessary. Sigh. Really though, as I thought about this more today I think the real reason this is so difficult is that, sadly, there is not one single word (that I know of anyway) that we might use to refer to the "queer" community that hasn't been used negatively by a large chunk of the population for at least a generation or two. No matter what term you prefer or use it WILL have been used as an insult by a sector of our society and nothing short of a serious shift in the national mindset is going to keep ANY new terms anyone comes up with from suffering the same fate.