8 comments

• megan

  I think 'yes' is an oversimplified answer to that question. Because even if you know you're attracted to people of the same sex or gender as you at an early age, the damaging messages we receive at impressionable ages from the world around us, telling us that who we are is wrong, disgusting, or unnatural, make it difficult to recognize or realize those feelings.

• Erik Libey

  I agree with Megan. I checked "yes"....but not necessarily because I always identified with the word (or concept) of being gay. Growing up, I was the child of a military service-member and ordained Southern Baptist minister. "Gay" was really not a feasible possibility in our household and, like Megan states in her comment, any messages I did get about being gay were negative and destructive....so through childhood adolescence and even early adulthood, the idea of linking my own identity of self to something like "gay" was just an impossibility---and even feeling attractions to other males was something that I either consciously or unconsciously repressed (probably as a safety mechanism). It wasn't until college that I started to feel the power and control to explore and define my own identity.

  That said, however, I have NEVER wondered whether I might be straight----I always knew I wasn't. Growing up and becoming part of an opposite sex relationship in the way I saw those around me was never my priority.

  So, did I "always" know I was gay? Probably on SOME level---even when I couldn't/wouldn't use that word. Did I always know I was something other than straight? Absolutely yes.

• lezbienswagg

  I feel that I knew from when I was little cause I used to play "mommi and daddi" and needless to say I had to be the dad. We all could have been mothers there was enuff doll babies however whenever I played there had to be a father or I didn't want to play.

• Dan Oshier

  I also agree with Megan that its really an over-simplified question. Most people who are now openly gay, probably could say on some level they always knew, but acceptance of one self is totally different. I grew up in a different generation than most people who will respond to this. Growing up in small town in the 60's, gay was not even a word that was spoken. The word back then was queer and not in a possitive way.

  I always knew I had different feelings, but felt so unnatural, that I felt I could change. That is one reason I got married, had kids, etc, I thought being with a woman would change my feelings. I have absolutely no regrets about marriage, and I have wonderful children and grandchildren, but had I grown up in the 90's, it may be different.

• Sean

  First of all, I want to say that it's great to read all the other comments and to share other people's life experiences. It really helps me to be validated by seeing that I'm not the only one : )

  I put "no" in the survey because I really didn't know I was gay. I think for a long time I had no idea what gay was. It wasn't really that my family or church or anything else was anti-gay, it just wasn't spoken of. It was pretty much assumed that me and the rest of the world was heterosexual.

  So, not knowing what gay was, and also knowing that I didn't really have strong sexual feelings for girls I was kind of torn. I actually went through a phase where I thought that I was asexual.

  I now know that I am in fact gay, I have a much better understanding of what that means, and I am growing more comfortable in this identity. I do still sometimes feel like I don't quite fit, but I know that the homosexual identity is broad, and just a part of my entire identity.

• Erik Libey

  Thanks for your comments, Sean. "Asexual" is a term I would have used to describe myself during most of high school, as well. It's interesting in this conversation that, for some of us, our first definitions of our sexuality were not a function of what we WERE attracted to....but rather what we were NOT attracted to.

  I viewed my own sexuality the way I did not because I found myself actively attracted to males (because those feelings were entirely repressed and inaccessible), but because I knew I was NOT attracted to females...even though I was "supposed" to be. The day I was able to fully understand what being gay/queer meant and how it applied to me was a personal revolution.

• Jess

  I wasn't quite sure how to respond to this question, experiencing similar feelings to those previously posted. I did not identify with the word "gay" or "lesbian" until I was in late teens. However, I believe a lot of that was a result of not having the language/knowledge to self-identify at an earlier age.

• Jules

  I'm searching for answers because the church I've stopped attending goes strictly by the words in the bible. Throughout my life I've known gay women and men and can't accept that God would create people that he condemns in the bible. Therefore I have to stop believing or find a more open-minded church. I've no doubt eventually there will be scientific evidence supporting the gene differences in gay people. It's sad that children have to grow up feeling there is something wrong or unacceptable about them. My son dressed up in his sister's dress and barrettes a few times when he was around eight and I was so worried he would have these issues to deal with. I told him he could tell me anything and I love him no matter what. Turns out he's 'normal' but might just as well not have been. Thanks for your comments to this question.