So... we do a lot of talking about sex around here. With a name like Porno Fridays, that should already be crystal clear. Whether porn excites you, disgusts you, or you don't care one way or the other about it... at its core, porn is all about sex, pleasure, desire & expression.

  We're going to address a variety of topics and issues that porn often raises for many people...and since this is the first blog in our sexy series, and since porn is all about sex... I think it's important to spend some time gathering us all onto the same page about what sex is.

  Sex is definitely an arbitrary term: what sex is or means to one person often is or means something drastically different to the next person. And even within one individual, the same activities may constitute sex in some settings or with certain partners, and not necessarily in or with others.

  Sex is complex... because people are complex, and the sex that turns us on or makes us feel good calls on several different parts of who we are... our physical, mental, cognitive & emotional selves. That's part of what makes sex fun, it's what keeps it new and interesting. But the fact that everyone is coming at sex (pun intended) from different perspectives and experiences lends itself to having very different definitions of what sex is.

  So here at EBG, when we say sex, we mean any number of different activities that one or more people willingly engage in to express their sexual feelings & desires, and/or to obtain sexual pleasure & satisfaction. This includes but certainly isn't limited to some of the following activities:

masturbation, kissing/making out/deep kissing, stroking or sexual massage, frottage or tribbing (rubbing genitals together), manual-genital sex (handjobs, fingering, fisting), oral sex (with a vulva, penis &/or anus), penis-vagina sexual intercourse, penis-anal sexual intercourse, vaginal or anal intercourse with toys, mouths & hands, sharing sexual fantasies, role play, talking in a sexual way, sensual play (including pinching, spanking, or touching someone with objects safely), BDSM activities, fluid play (like ejaculating on someone in a particular place), voyeurism, and lots and lots of other activities too.

  Basically, if you are engaging in any kind of activity to express your sexuality or to obtain sexual pleasure in some way, with yourself &/or with a partner, or several partners, that activity is sex. I think there is a widely accepted misconception that many of the activities mentioned above are 'foreplay,' and aren't quite sex. But the term foreplay is actually really troublesome and problematic, in that it lends itself to the heterosexist and narrow notion that the only 'real' sex is vaginal sex... with a penis.

  We know that this simply isn't true, and not only because this definition of sex leaves a whole lot of people out. But also because we know that when we characterize a particular sexual behavior or activity with a particular group of people, we create a climate of expectation that those people should enjoy those activities... and if/when they don't, they often end up feeling bad about themselves or maybe even thinking that something is wrong. And that's a problem.

  So, as we move forward with Porno Fridays and meaningful discussions about sex and porn... what turns us on, what gets us off, what feels real and good, and what we enjoy doing with ourselves, or with our partner(s)... is all real sex.