In our work we get asked a lot of questions…sometimes it’s about where to find a good gay-friendly doctor, sometimes it’s about the symptoms someone is experiencing….and other times it’s for advice about sex.  One question that we often get asked is in regards to anal sex…and more specifically how couples can make that a comfortable situation for the bottom (or receptive) partner.  So, while there is probably no magic recipe that is going to work for everyone, here are a few tips to keep in mind.

First, I think it’s important to note that every guy’s body is different and some people are just “naturals” at bottoming, others have to put a little work into it, and still some others really never get the hang of it!  If you’re pretty sure it’s OK to proceed, you want to proceed, and you’re just looking for some helpful hints, then a good place to start would be to focus on “The 4 P’s” of bottoming:

1.  PATIENCE: Make sure that you and your partner are taking your time.  Camera tricks in porn films have led many a guy to believe that a “good” bottom does not need to “warm up.”  The truth is, however, that the muscles in that part of the body can and DO relax if given the opportunity…so take it a little slower & work your way up to it until you’re comfortable and relaxed.

2.  PLENTY of lube:  I often tease and say “there can never be enough lube”…but in all seriousness, with regard to proper lubrication I think the saying “less is more” does not really apply!  Another lube error that many guys make is that they put lube on their anus only…but if you want things to  be comfortable and go "smoothly", then the top should put lube both at the head AND down the entire shaft of the penis. 

3.  POSITION:  Some positions lend themselves towards deeper penetration or penetration at slightly different angles that might be more or less comfortable…at least initially.  In addition, some positions garner more control about the penetration with the top or bottom, respectively….for instance, “doggy style” is typically a position that is more easily controlled by a top….and “riding” is a position that the bottom might have more control.  Any position where the bottom is in more control will allow the bottom to dictate the speed, depth, and pace of the penetration.

4.  PRACTICE:  The anal sphincter is that it is actually a pretty resilient muscle…so it may never get dramatically “looser” no matter what you do.   That said, however, it is possible to “practice” being penetrated to acclimate your body to the process and the sensation and this can go a long way in alleviating discomfort during sex.  Practice can be alone or can be involved in sex play with a partner and might involve fingers and/or sex toys of varying sizes.

    
Lastly, just a word about bottoming and your health:  first of all, it must be mentioned that during an anal sexual encounter, the bottom is typically at higher risk for HIV or STDs…and so a cautionary word about safer sex practices and partner negotiation is probably prudent.   In addition, though, the rectum can be damaged during anal sex…and sometimes even very minor damage can cause discomfort or progress to a more serious health concern.  So with regard to bottoming there are three important keys:  establishing your own boundaries, communicating with your partner(s), and being alert to your own body.  Focusing on these areas, as well as thinking about some of the tips above, may help you create a comfortable and safe sex life.